Today is three weeks since that phone call that changed the trajectory of my life. Everyday I'm getting better and everyday I think more and more about what my new future will be like. It's terrifying and exciting and I'll probably think of a million different scenarios and none of them will probably be right.
I think about my future career a lot. I start school again in about a month. I'm getting my graduate degree in Public Health Management and Policy. I wonder if I'll use it to go around the world and help set up clinics in far off places. Or if I'll stay in the U.S. and help those in need in this country. I wonder if I'll do a 180 and work for one of those high and mighty hospitals that cater to the rich and powerful and make me rich and powerful. Whatever I do, I hope I always have a strong sense of compassion leading me. I don't want to wake up one day, 20 years from now and think, "Oh my God, I'm a horrible human being." I want to wake up 20 years from now and think, "Oh my God, I am AMAZING." Or you know some other positive adjective.
I also of course think about what my love life is going to be like. I'm DEFINITELY going to take it easy the next couple of months. The last thing I want right now is a boyfriend. The first thing I'd like, however, are random romantic rendezvous. (And when I say romantic rendezvous, what I really mean is senseless make out sessions.) I enjoy going to a party, a show or a club, scoping out the place, picking a cute guy and making him mine for the night. It's empowering to be in control of myself and my sexuality.
And I'll be ready to date and have a relationship again one day. I'll fall in love and he'll be everything I want because I'll have taken this time to rediscover myself and be the awesome person I know I am. He'll love me. Like really, really love me. And that makes me all googly and happy inside.
I'm excited about doing things on MY terms again. My life was not my own the last 21 months. I got lost in him and I was at a standstill. I was going to spend the next three years of my life like this. THREE YEARS. I get to figure out who I am again. Which is also worthy of feeling googly and happy inside.
