Day One: Part Two

I was writing an email to my mentor about what was going on and why you suddenly can't find me on FB anymore. I wrote her this:

"I hope this experience doesn't screw with me for the rest of my life. How am I suppose to fall in love again knowing this can happen? I trusted <HB> to a degree that I didn't know I was capable of. I loved him completely. And he hurt me. Really, really bad."

"I loved him completely." It was weird seeing it in writing. I've always known it but to admit it to someone in writing is a whole other level. It makes it even truer.

I live with this fear deep inside me when it comes to loving people. I cried when I first told HB I loved him. And not out of happiness. I cried because I was scared. I was scared to be so very vulnerable, knowing that I could have my heart obliterated with such a simple sentence as "I don't think I love you anymore."

I don't like being right.

BUT even right know, at this very moment, I'm okay. I'm not over it or him, seeing as I just drove around for an hour and cried for 45 minutes of said drive. But I am okay. I'm strong in the end. Weak right now. But strong in the end.