Day Two: Part Two

A Letter To You If I Were Talking To You 

Dear HB,

Why? When did this start? Is it when your brother started getting laid? Was it because of that? Be honest. We're always honest with each other. 

If it wasn't that, then what? Was it when you started school again? Did you start to envy the single students lifestyles? Did you start to look at me with disdain?

Was it the start of this summer when I left to come back home? Did you decide you were happier sleeping alone? 

Was it this last week when I came to visit? Were you embarrassed of me? Was it when we went out for desert that one night? When I asked if everything was ok and you said yes? Was it then?

I really do hate you right now. I hate you for doing this to me. For not loving me anymore. How do you stop loving your best friend? Was it that easy to do? Did I really mean that little to you this whole time? 

I feel like a fool. I'm embarrassed and sad and I don't understand anything right now.

You told me you loved me a little more than a week ago. And your voice meant it and your eyes meant it and the way you held my hand meant it. So what happened? 

There's no turning back. I know there's no hope because I know how important your image is to you. I know that, even if you were to fall back in love with me, you'd never fight to get me back. It's done. We're done. 

I love you. I don't want to lose you. But I deserve better. I know it. You're my best friend. You should know it. 

Maybe you don't know what love is. Or maybe I don't. I believed you when you said it. 

I hate you and I love you and then I hate you again. And then I love you again. 

And then one day, maybe one day soon, I won't feel anything towards you. And I'll be ok.

-Tatiana